|
|
Saturday, September 26th, 2009
| |
2:04 am
|
|
The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill himself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.
|
|
(strike a match)
|
| Sunday, September 20th, 2009
| |
6:27 pm
|
conversations with my mother
"so you've got a 4.0"
"uh no..."
"good for you, baby"
|
|
(strike a match)
|
| Sunday, September 13th, 2009
| |
4:33 am
|
|
| Friday, July 3rd, 2009
| |
3:04 am
|
i just want to die
why isnt this getting better?
maybe i had unrealistic expectations of what age brings
its completely opposite of what i thought
and utterly more depressing
i cant handle another worse year
i hate being in trouble for what is beyond my control
and nothing helps
theres no understanding and theres no effective treatment
why bother?
AHNWHEY
|
|
(strike a match)
|
| Sunday, June 28th, 2009
| |
5:19 am
|
not what i wanted
what i wanted was an absence of want
so genius, remove all desires.
so brill
kill me
|
|
(strike a match)
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
burnit_up's journal